I hate that because I immediately want everything! So I order the blackened chicken and then wonder if I should’ve picked the tortellini pasta. Oh the madness!

We do something similar as leaders. Instead of trying to eat everything, we’re tempted to lead everything. Instead of a hunger for food, we have a hunger to be needed. Generally, this leads to widespread failure.

Andy Stanley offers this important question every leader should ask themselves: “What do you do that only you can do?”

Even if you’re a young leader, answering this question is important.

“It may take years, but when the time comes and you’re in a position to control your time, will you know where to invest it?” – Andy Stanley.

Where do you make the greatest contribution in your organization?

This is one of 6 questions Andy Stanley recommends every leader ask on this month’s leadership podcast.

A BIG hurt, failure, or disappointment is usually followed by a “season of silence”. This season can last days, months, or years. It is difficult. It is lonely. In the end, it is meaningful.

Based on my experience, a season of silence includes these characteristics:

1) God seems distant even though He’s close

2) It’s hard to imagine life will ever be good again

3) God’s purpose isn’t immediately clear

4) Relationships change . . . some end . . . some become life-long

5) Comfort zones end and new dreams begin . . . eventually

6) Faith is immediately shaken but eventually strengthened

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Can you add some other characteristics to this list?

You wanna ready but you’re busy! Plus, some books are just plain difficult or boring!

A misperception is thinking all books are equally valuable. They ain’t! 

So why give them equal time? I’m getting quicker at discerning if a book will add value for me. Sometimes that’s a reflection of the book and sometimes it’s a reflection of me. (I might not be at a place to appreciate the truth of a book right now.)

I’ve also learned a reading approach (not original with me) that’s a huge time-saver. Here’s how you can read more in less time:

1. Read the entire first chapter word-for-word. This is the “money chapter” the author submits to convince the publisher to pick up his or her book.

2. Read the first paragraph of each subsequent chapter. The author wants to engage the reader for the entire chapter so this is their overview and hook.

3. Read the first & last sentences of all other paragraphs. You may not get everything but you’ll get the point of the book.

4. You’ll read most books in 60-90 minutes with this process. Then you can decide if you believe the book’s worth slowing down to digest more thoroughly.

Here’s a great and FREE article by Alan Jacobs entitled “How to Read a Book”. (See chapter 9).

Don’t feel guilty skimming. Not all books are created equally . . . for you.

Then imagine being told you can’t build it but your child can. How would you set your child up to succeed?

That’s what happened years ago when the nation of Israel’s King, David wanted to build a world-class Temple. God told David he wouldn’t build it but his son would. David decided to set Solomon up for success. You can re-read the story in 1 Chronicles 28.

You might not dream of your kid designing skyscrapers but you want your kid to succeed. David did four specific things for his son that are transferrable practices for those of us parenting today.

Based on this story, here are 4 practices to set your child up for success:

1) Be honest about your own failures 

I asked an incredibly Godly dad recently, “How can I raise great kids like you have?” He quickly said, “Be honest with your kids. When you mess up say ‘you’re sorry’.”

David told Solomon that he wasn’t allowed to build the Temple because he’d caused too much blood shed on the battle field. Solomon already knew but he must have been encouraged by his dad’s honesty about his own failures.

My kids already know my weaknesses. My willingness to admit them only increases my credibility with them.

 2) Put other adults in your child’s life

Do your kids have other adults reinforcing your values in their life? Maybe it’s a small group leader at church, a teacher who’s taken a special interest in them, or a family member they feel comfortable with. Whoever it is, it’s just important that someone is there. And as an adult, you can help foster those relationships.

David told Solomon there were skilled workers at his disposal who “will help you in all the work.”

 3) Give your child resources to succeed

You may not have tons of gold and silver like David.

You have gained some wisdom. Pass your wisdom on to your child.

You have experiences. Pass your experiences on to your child.

You probably have a stronger faith. Pass your faith on to your child.

4) Encourage your child to do BIG things & put their faith in God

Listened to how the story ends as David says one last thing to his son Solomon:

Be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.

What if we repeated these words to our kids? Be strong and courageous and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until ALL of His purposes for you are finished.

Disclaimer: I don’t have this figured out but I’m learning it’s extremely important.

If you and your spouse aren’t equally called for a BIG step then IT WON’T WORK!

Last year our family moved to California. This was a life-changing move.

Last weekend at our church, my wife shared why this was a particularly big move for her. Ginger was born and raised in one great town her entire life.

While Ginger was sharing the difficulties and blessings of our BIG step (moving our family to the West Coast), one thought went through my mind over and over again: I’m so grateful we made this decision together.

Ginger sharing at 1 of the 3 services in which she spoke this weekend

3 ways to make bold decisions WITH your spouse:

 1) Stop. If your spouse doesn’t want to take the step, God isn’t ready for you to take the step. It may not be a “no”. But He’s at least saying, “wait”.

 2) Process together. Walk together from the beginning of the decision-making process. If you’ve been praying and learning about a possible next step for months, it’s unrealistic to expect your spouse to be on board after just a couple of conversations.

 3) Talk. Pray about it together. Share your fears together. Share the possibilities together. The process will bring clarity for the decision but more importantly it will help align your hearts. Maybe that’s what God desires more.

Your family and ministry require unity in your marriage. Decision-making is difficult but don’t move too fast and, whatever you do, don’t move alone.

That’s not always the cause of death but it’s always the proof of death.

Put your hand over your chest. No, seriously. No one’s looking.

Feel the heart pulse as it pumps blood to your entire body? That means you’re alive! One day someone will put their hand over your heart to confirm that you’re not.

Between now and the day your heart stops beating, will you you dare to awaken it?

Because you’re alive your heart longs to awaken. Do you hear it? It’s begging you!

But how do you awaken your heart? By pursuing your dreams. Your heart lives for dreams!

If it’s been awhile, that’s okay. Listen to your heart again and DREAM.

If you’re out of practice, remember dreams almost always include 3 things:

1) They DARE to MAKE a DIFFERENCE

Steve Jobs dreamed of “making a dent in the universe”.

One of my deep fears is living a life that will not have mattered.

You were created to pursue a cause bigger than you. Your heart is heart-wired to encourage others. If only you benefit from your dream, it’s too small.

2) They’re SCAREY

My kids and I love to hide behind things and scare each other. My wife is the most common victim. When you’re surprised or scared do you notice how fast your heart beats?

Should your dreams include fear? Yes. Should that stop you? No.

“Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do your fear.” – Richard Wilkins

If your dream doesn’t scare you it’s not a dream it’s a “to do” list.

There are 3 important limits you should have for your fear when you’re dreaming. I list them HERE.

3) They AWAKEN Your Heart

The next time someone shares their dream with you notice the sudden spark in their eye, how fast they begin to talk, and watch their energy increase. It’s a beautiful site! Their heart awakens before you. That’s what dreams are supposed to do!

When you share your dream, if you don’t feel an energy bump you’re probably sharing a desire not a dream. You don’t have to manufacture energy to talk about your dream.

Set some time on your calendar right now. Dreaming requires margin.

Before you develop action steps and actually pursue the dream enjoy the rush as your heart begins to awaken!

Ready? First, put your hand on your chest. Feel your heart begging?

I want that for my son and my 3 daughters!

I want to share a statement you can begin telling your kids today that can make a HUGE difference in their future confidence.

In his book Decision Points, George W. Bush said:

“As I got older, I came to see my parent’s love was unconditional. I know because I tested it. I had two car wrecks when I was fourteen, the legal driving age back then. My parents still loved me. I borrowed Dad’s car, carelessly charged in reverse, and tore the door off. I poured vodka in the fishbowl and killed my little sister Doro’s goldfish. At times I was surly, demanding, and brash. Despite it all, my parents loved me. Eventually their patient love affected me. When you know you have unconditional love, there is no point in rebellion and no need to fear failure.”

Personally, my parents have always given me unconditional love. My Mom often told me, “Mark there is never anything you could do that would keep me from loving you.” I believed her.

What was she doing? She was dripping unconditional love into my heart. That eventually turned into a solid foundation of confidence from which I continue to leap over and over again as an adult.

Now I repeat this same statement to my kids. Holding them, I quietly say, “You know you could never do anything . . .” They interrupt me and say, “I know Dad. I could never do anything to keep you from loving me.” Drip . . . drip . . . drip.

Each time you say it, the truth takes a deeper root in your heart and theirs. Drip . . . drip . . . drip.

”Follow Your Passion” is easily the worst advice you could ever give or get. Why? Because everyone is passionate about something. Usually more than 1 thing. We are born with it. There are always going to be things we love to do. That we dream about doing. That we really really want to do with our lives. Those passions aren’t worth a nickel . . .

2) One hour a day will make a difference by Carrie Wilkerson

. . . The key for this is to focus on one or two priority tasks. Ideally, this is one to two income-producing tasks or things that have been slowing your progress. This is not a delivery time. This is not for coaching calls or ‘old business.’ What have you been putting off? What are you late on delivering? What is nagging at you? What are you scared of? . . .

3) Simple Leadership by Thom Rainer

. . . every organization needs leaders who can provide simplicity. The complex organizations of today are the dying organizations of tomorrow. Let’s look at some keys to simple thinking for leaders. My list is not exhaustive, but it may prove to be a worthy starting point. I think it applies to pastors, CEOs, managers, and almost anyone else in a leadership position . . .

4) Top 10 temptations that leaders face by Perry Noble

. . . #8 Believing that a particularly tough season is always going to last and allowing thoughts of negativity and the voice of critics to drive you to an unhealthy place where you find yourself always wanting to be alone and refuse to trust anyone . . .

Synthetic Happiness

Dan Gilbert’s book, Stumbling upon Happiness describes the human brain’s unique ability to create what he calls “synthetic happiness” even when things don’t go the way we want.

For example, Gilbert claims when Obama or Romney lose their presidential bid this November, he will claim years from now he is happier and better off because he lost. His brain will produce a “synthetic happiness” causing him to believe that unexpected opportunities or growth resulted from his loss which a win wouldn’t have produced.

The Exception

According to Gilbert, there is only one exception. The freedom to change your mind is the enemy of synthetic happiness. In other words, if you’re given a new job with all of the perks you think would make you happy, you’ll only enjoy it if your decision to take the new job is irreversible. However, if you’re allowed to “try the job” with the option of returning to your old job anytime, you’re less likely to be happy. Why? Because the freedom to change your mind is the enemy of synthetic happiness. Gilbert calls this, “the unanticipated joy of totally being stuck.”

The Grass Is Greener

As the world has become more connected, you have unprecedented freedom to consider more jobs options. Yet I would guess overall job satisfaction is lower.

The quickest way to become unhappy with your job is to continually search for another one. Even if you’re not in your “dream job”, you’ll likely enjoy it more if you’re committed to it. But when you constantly pursue something “better”, you’re on a fast track to unhappiness.

Where ever God has placed you, be fully present.

2) 15 Leadership Lessons in 15 Years

3) Your Success Depends on 3 Things